When I Should Be Doing Homework: Musings about Marriage and Men

Yeah, I have a late paper, but since I took a break for prayer group, I might as well take a break to write down what I'm feeling now.

A. So I finally made up my mind to get married. This might sound odd considering I haven't dated anyone since sophomore year, but hear me out. After all the crap I went through with and after Luke, I was seriously doubting whether or not marriage was an option for me. I liked my single lifestyle-- my ability to flirt, hang out with, and chill with guys without worrying about a significant others feelings. This was always trouble in the previous relationship. I've always been really bad about calling other guys hott in front of significant others. (It's almost always merely a statement of fact, but I'm sure it doesn't help their self-esteem.)

Anywho, last year, I'd kind of sworn off dating (while still maintaining a desire to go out on a least one date, a New Year's resolution that unfortunately was not fulfilled) and marriage. I think I was still working through some residual, "I'm worthless-all men are idiots-my heart is broken" stuff from my relationship with Luke (which only got worse after he finally came out of the closet). And while a teensy bit of that is left (not the I'm worthless part, but the fear of my heart being broken again), I think I've come to the realization that, at some point, I'm going to have to feel vulnerable again and risk my heart being broken to find someone with whom I want to share my life. Such is the nature of (finding) love. I'm actually proud that I came to this conclusion even with the lack of someone special on Valentine's Day (I went out with the girls--Key Lime Cheesecake!). I think it shows I've matured and become (somewhat of) a realist. I'm still hopelessly romantic at heart though. Which brings me to...

B. I think that with this new-found faith in my "one-day" marriage came an onslaught of feelings for guys that are currently in my life. I have no intention of marrying, or even dating a single one, but all of a sudden, they are there, in my line of sight, these living breathing, human, (Christian!) attractive guys. I mean they've always been there, but I guess my mind wasn't processing them since it thought it wasn't necessary.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not drooling all over myself anytime I'm around M, A or the Redeemer boys (a new nickname for them, like it?). But I did realize that they do have things to offer and that some of them are cute (and single). This is all just mindless musings, however, since most of them are sophomores (though I might be inclined to say yes if someone asked me out on a date) and I think it's about time for me to stop relying on Facebook info to tell me whether someone is available or not. I think it's about time I headed into the wedding ring phase, don't cha think?

Ah! I told myself this blog was going to be honest, but little did I know :)

Evanston: Crime and Compassion

As I was walking past Whole Foods today, I lied to the man who asked me for money. I told him I didn't have any cash. I had over 20 dollars in my wallet. I did not feel guilty.

Sitting in Pomegranate as I ate my steak in a sack, I read The Weekly whose cover article had, in pictorial form, the number of robberies and crimes since September. I said to myself, "who walks alone at 2 AM?" I stopped just short of "That's what they get."

Walking out of Pomegranate I went back the way I came and gave the man who asked me for money a dollar. He replied, "God Bless You."

The other man who asked me for money got nothing. I said, I'd given it all to the other man who's just asked. I lied again. I did not feel guilty. I felt saddened.

I write this to show that even the people who think themselves generous are not always so. And even the people who know first-hand how hard it is to glimpse "the good life" fall prey to selfishness and bad stewardship. I write this to show too that crime in Evanston, however "rare" still happens, but for reasons we do not think of often. Perhaps that person who robbed you did not need diapers for his one-year old, but something, anything to eat since he hadn't eaten in 3 days.

Sometimes we focus so much on out preconceived notions of who the victim is we forget that there might be more than one. We should remember that (most) people don't rob others for the hell of it. The rob others out of necessity. Sometimes those we whom we classify as criminals without thinking are those who need the most help. I often forget this.

So despite the warnings from NUPD, give to those who ask of you once in a while. They may indeed buy alcohol with it (and whose to say you weren't!) or cigarettes. Or they may use it to buy food for themselves or they're family. Or they may use it to rent a room for themselves so they won't have to sleep in the cold. Whatever they do with it, doesn't really matter. God honors your commitment to helping those less fortunate than yourself. Have and demonstrate compassion.

And who knows perhaps that dollar you gave might stop that person from robbing someone else to get the money they need.



* I believe this can go without saying but just in case: In NO WAY do I advocate for the undertaking of any criminal activity or violence. Or sheer stupidity for that matter: if it's 2 o'clock in the morning, take saferide, cough up the 5 bucks for a cab, or stay where you are!

Yes, I Know I Haven't Written in 4 Months

I am procrastinating. I am sitting in bed with more than a slight headache. I just watched the season finale of Heroes (I want to have Sylar's babies!) and my cat is trying to eat my hand. I'd have to say that minus my headache, today has been a pretty good day.

Until, I went to Facebook. I now know the reason why I avoid facebook other than a status update, or a "like" every now and then. Everybody on there seems to be having a more interesting life than mine. They look happier, better, more satisfied than I do. I know I am being silly, that these people are no happier than I am, but for a second, I believe it.

Now this post is not meant to be depressing, indeed I am not depressed or even close to it. In fact, I think my avoidance of Facebook for said reasons are helpful to my person. Whenever I see pictures/people, I want to reinvent myself. Not to be more like them, but to be more like me. In other words, I want my ideal self to match my actual self.

I do this in a variety of ways. I change my hair, I dress differently, I try new things, I concentrate on school, I concentrate on family/friends/life. What I have learned is that I cannot be all that I want to be, all the time. It would result in cognitive dissonance overload. I can, however, be parts of myself at any given time.

Therefore, I'm cutting my hair again, and I am going to write a short story/novella (whichever one I can finish and be proud of). I miss my playful, creative, adventurous side. Maybe these things will help me get a part of that "me" back.

So I haven't written in a while...

.... and I am not even going to try to catch you up on the first day back. Suffice to say, everything goes. Not quite everything goes well, since there are a bunch of things that aren't quite right (like the fact that I am sitting at home in my PJ's trying to do 5 weeks worth of HW for my thesis class in one day... ain't gonna happen), but all in all I am happy. So, yes, everything goes.

I'm gonna try to do this is some semblance of order (the catching up) so bear with me.

God Stuff: Trying. Hard? Not really. Working on that. Going mediocre. Struggling inch by inch. But at least I'm moving forward :) (Situation is not as depressing as it sounds; I just wrote it in a very matter-of-fact manner. Please do not think I'm dying in life. I am not.)

School: Trying to get an A- in 3 classes this quarter. Can I do it? I hope so. I am trying. We shall see. LOL. My thesis grade, will be shitty, but at least I'll pass right. I just didn't want to overload winter quarter. I just couldn't. So now I don't have to. Hopefully it won't be at the expense of my less than stellar GPA.

Introducing Ms. Bobbi Amelie Buttons! Yes, I have a kitten. She is approx 6 weeks old. and is such a darling. In fact she is sleeping on my foot right now. She's taken a liking to my house shoes and tries to eat/sleep with them as often as she can. Besides Aiden, she is the cutest thing in my life right now. I can't wait til she gets a little bigger (and I can get her declawed, she's scratches me on a daily basis) so that we can have some fun. But then again, right now she fits in one hand pretty much.

Men: Not much has changed on that front for quite a while. Still not searching. Still happy about that. (Though if one comes my way, I will not turn him away :) Funny thing though, I've just discovered that the one exception to this feeling, reminds me of my brother. Eww. And, despite the fact that he is not at all my type, I still find him attractive. Double eww. Still, nothing's ever gonna happen on that front, so I'm not worried. He's doesn't seem interested and I feel no obligation to figure out if he is or isn't. Doesn't seem important to me at the moment. Dating someone is not on my list of high priorities.


I guess that's enough for today. I'll try (cut me some slack on the trying too, as humans we all fail-- often) to update again soon.

Loving life as a R.A.P,

Britt

Funny Joke

In a city park stood two statues, one female, the other male. These two statues faced each other for many years.

Early one morning, an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire."

And with that command, the statues came to life, smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes.

The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping. After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?"

The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"

Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure. But this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head."

I don't know why, but this was just hilarious to me.

Random Things

So maybe inundation is not the right word, lol.
Here's a couple of things that I wanted to share with you though.

First off, a really funny website I found called Overheard Everywhere. It's random parts of conversations overheard by people. Some of them are sketchy, some are just really random and hilarious. For example, here's one from a couple of days ago.

Wise eight-year-old boy to brother: Getting a girlfriend is the easy part. But you have to know how to keep them.
Attentive six-year-old: How do you get them to stay?
Wise eight-year-old: You have to find out what kind of food they like to eat. And you give them a plastic unicorn.

Nature Park
Tampa, Florida

I don't know why I was so amused by that. Here's one more.


When Aunt Jemima Eats Burritos, Everyone Knows It.

Churchgoer to another: Did you fart? Something smells like buttermilk.

Methodist Church
Knoxville,

Sometimes the funniest part is the titles they give for the overheard conversations. They match so well!


Ok, so next up is this website which is all about Health Care Reform (I also posted this on Facebook). Check it out. It gives real answers which include specific references to the Health Care Bill being discussed. It debunks a whole lot of ridiculous myths that people keep spouting like "death panels" and "Nazi policies." So give it a go and hopefully get some answers.


And lastly, in the same political vein, I suggest you all take the Political Spectrum Quiz. It's interesting to see the questions as well as the responses you can choose from. Also, it might call you to evaluate how you feel about certain issues. Just try it.


That's it for right now, I'll be back with more later :)

Changing it Up... read (and comment) on the first short story I've written in years...

Karen sat on the red and white couch in the back of the room. She was nervous. No one spoke and the room was quiet, still. She wondered how long this was going to take. She didn’t know the procedure, what to expect in situations like this. She’d only heard about it in passing.

The others were afraid to be near her, she was sure. Instead of the usual joviality, she was greeted with small smiles and slightly turned backs. No one seemed to have enough courage to greet her normally. What could they have said? She wondered. The right side of her brain kicked into overdrive as she thought of ways she might comfort a grieving widow. At twenty-six years old, she had thought she was years from this pain, years from having to bury her husband.

Kevin thought he had more time. He’d even planned a ski vacation for them this winter. She’d never been to Vail and had wanted to go ever since she’d overheard her high school classmates talking about the “super awesome slopes” they had there. She’d barely remembered her desire when her sister brought it up. He’d included Hannah in the planning and left the information at her house in case Karen discovered it by accident. Now she wondered who she’d go with. She didn’t have the heart to cancel the trip when Kevin had so meticulously planned it.

He’d been in remission for the past two years and without warning, he was back in and out of the hospital again. This time the cancer was stage three. It wasn’t responding to the chemo. Three months later, stage four hit and the doctor said he had less than two months to live.

“Karen? It’s time.” Hannah broke her from her reverie. It was time for the grand march. She called it that ever since she was a small child. To her, a funeral procession looked much the same as a parade’s marching band, complete with costume hats.

She stared straight ahead. She’d toyed with the idea of having a closed casket ceremony— Kevin was always a private person— but decided against it. God forbid someone should think, years later that he died in some horrible plane crash because she kept the casket closed.

She was here now, standing in front of him. She couldn’t help but wonder how the funeral home determined the height at which one should be shown off. She thought he was a bit too low, that he might scare his nieces and nephews who didn’t understand the difference between the lie their parents told them and the reality and inevitability of death. For a split second, she smiled as she pictured little Imogen poking at him. “Wae up, Unca ’Evin. Wae up. ’Ap time is ’ova.”

She hadn’t cried yet. She’d thought it premature to grieve while she could still see him, touch him. She wouldn’t cry tonight either. Too many people around. She thought that the best time to start her grieving would be the day after tomorrow. When people stopped calling her to determine her mental state or ask whether or not she was sleeping. She would not grieve like an old woman. She would grieve quickly and quietly. There would be none of this no showering business. She would continue to wash her dishes and eat her vegetables. She would not let herself go. She would go back to work in two weeks. No more, no less.

She was standing again, Hannah’s arm around her shoulder. She’d closed her eyes for the entire service. It was time for food and fellowship, the upside to funeral services. She took one last look at the casket, at him. Kevin would be cremated tomorrow as he wished. It was a decision with which she did not agree, but chose to acquiesce in this final act as his wife. It was the least she could do, she thought.

Sorry It's Been So Long!

Hello again! I've been meaning to write for at least a week now and I have tons of stuff to talk about, so hopefully I'll be inundating you with blog entries for the next couple of days… hope you can keep up!

Up first is Granny Biscuits! I saw this video when I was wasting too much time on YouTube (which happens quite frequently nowadays). This seems like the kind of thing Adrian puts on his blog— he might have even had it on there once, I don’t know.



Disturbing, yet amusing. Love that Edna has a mustache (not unlike real grandmothers I suppose) and that her grand-kids say "motherf***ing." Also, love that these so called granny biscuits can be picked up at Wal-Mart. I totally made a similar video myself (complete with three characters), but I will NEVER post it online... way too embarrassing (and long).

Numero Dos: I sometimes follow my ex’s blog, and while most of the time, I shake my head at the theological and life conclusions he comes to, every once in a while he writes a gem. In this case, it’s called “A Prayer of Reparation to the Ramen Gods”. (At least he remembers he’s a good writer.) I don’t know about you, but it made me chuckle and remember snack time after school. I absolutely loved ramen noodles when I was younger. And if you’re looking to ride down memory lane, I have a couple of packages in my cabinet; just come visit :)

And lastly, I ran across this on AOL today. (Ok now, take a second and click on the link. When you're done, come back here.) As some of you may know, I am all about weddings (really any festive occasion in which people are dressed up and food is consumed) and beautiful dresses.

Talk about a long train! Hopefully you scrolled down to the Toilet Paper Dresses. They were pretty cute. Especially that first one!

Ok, folks. That’s all for right now. And don’t worry, you’ll hear from me soon.