Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Conflicting Views of Self-Perception: Makes me Sound Crazy, Doesn't It?

Facebook stalking people tonight has led me to reflect on how I view myself. Who am I , really? I know the important and "given" things, like God loves me, I'm black, also a 21 year-old college student (SENIOR!).

Those facts though, with the exception of the first one, are pretty boring. Unfortunately, I can't think of who I am besides those banal things I listed above. Those things make up my actual self. Boo Hoo :(

My ideal self, however, is awesome. She's trendy, a fashion-forward diva who's down to earth (oxymoronic, I know, but somehow my ideal self makes it work). Her hair, make-up, nails--flawless. She's got a sweet job, an "oldie, but goodie" car that runs, a steady boyfriend and about 100 pairs of super cool shoes. She's a great cook, a certified whiz in the kitchen, and her favorite drink is apple juice. [Other kind? Cosmopolitan :)] She's beautiful, sexy and sophisticated, sassy and shy. She's an un-intimidated, speak-her-mind, kinda gal. To sum it up in one word, she's awesome.

Now can she exist? Can ideal self become actual self? I'm in no way harping on myself to become someone I'm not or don't want to be. I'm pretty happy with myself and I don't think that being my ideal self will take away all my problems.But I can't help but wonder what it would be like to be her, just for one day. Would life be better? I don't think so. But it would be more interesting, which is all I am hoping for in my boring life.

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