Amalgamation (or It's Been a While and I've Been Meaning to Blog About This.)

Totally random things I felt important enough to bookmark and comment on later. Well later is finally now.

1) Ten Craziest Job Perks
As someone in the market for permanent employment, I read the article above with hope that maybe my new job would offer one or two of these things. But when Google hands out free, chef-prepared lunches (they spend an estimated $72 million dollars a year on food for their employees!), Microsoft campus has it's own mall and IT firms start providing free-of-charge housekeeping, any company would be hard pressed to compete. And here I was super-excited last week when the office I was working at had chocolate covered cherries. While it wasn't free lunch, those cherries were quite tasty.

2) The Dehydration Myth
This article is linked for all those times someone told you, you don't drink nearly enough water. You need at least eight cups a day! They're right. But more importantly, they're WRONG. And for someone like myself who would choose apple or cranberry juice over water any day, it is gonna be AWESOME the next time someone tries to tell me my daily water quotient is a little low and I show them this article.

3) The World's Most Underrated Cities
Ever since my ex-boyfriend broke up with me after his semester abroad, Italy and I have had a love-hate relationship. I love it because it's beautiful and romantic and dreamy. I hate it because I can't think about it without immediately remembering that he thought so too. Ugh. And while that relationship ended years ago, I still feel like Italy's tainted. Well no more. As soon as I can get my fanny over there, I'm going to gorge myself on spaghetti Bolognese with fresh grated Parmesan and every kind of gelato I can manage. Bologna, Italy: I'm coming for you! (There are 25 great cities on this list, so be sure to flip through all the slides!)

4) BBC Dimensions
Have you ever wondered just how large the Gulf oil spill was? Or how many people were in Athens during the Peloponnisan War? Or better yet, just how big the pyramids of Giza really are? No? Well I have, because I am a NERD. If you have entertained these thoughts, then look no further than BBC Dimensions for the answer. This website allows you to input your area code and see how much space the Great Wall of China takes up in a familiar landscape. Not gonna lie, I spent like an hour on this website one day. WHEN I DID NOT HAVE THE TIME. Ah, well. Such is the way of the internet.

5) ABSURDITY
I can't even begin to tell you how crazy this was or the fact that, according to the letter sent in reply, this sort of thing happens all the time. Ridiculous. Interest piqued? Just go ahead and click. You know you want to. Hint: Copyright law totally applies here!

6) ANIMALS TALKING IN ALL CAPS and Animals Being Dicks and When Parents Text
You know when you come across a gem on the interweb and it's so good you want to share it immediately while at the same time keep it for your own laugh-out-loud pleasure? These three websites are GEMS. I laughed OUT LOUD (LOL for realz) for like TWO FULL HOURS on the parent's texting website. Dude, even my mother thought it was hilarious. You must go there and see for yourself. You must. They're so funny, they even have a book out.

:) Hope you enjoyed!

I'm, I'm Just Being Honest...

Saw this the other day and almost died of cuteness overload. Apparently this video's been out for a while and I'm late, but I just had to share. (The channel on YouTube has more videos of them too.)


Hey Ya! OH, OH!

FtLoTV: The Half-Hour Comedy (Sitcom)

(I finally did it guys! First real post in the series. Better late than never right? LOL!)

Remember Friends? You know, the delightful, laugh-out-loud, ensemble-cast, scripted, situational comedy (sitcom) that aired for 10 years? I know you remember the back and forth of Ross & Rachel's romance, when Chandler & Monica finally came out of the closet, the realization that Phoebe might be normal once we met her twin sister Ursula, and the "How you doin'?" that was Joey's signature phrase. You know you know all the words to, "I'll Be There For You." You've even got the timing of the clap. You saw the series finale, the 236th episode, full of babies, laughter and a hint of sadness. I mean, how sad was it when they left Monica's apartment for the last time? And how relieved were you when you found out that Ross and Rachel finally got it right?

Yes, I am writing about these fictional characters as if they were real people, still living their lives, albeit without the camera lens, simultaneously the microscope and the window into their world, pointed in their direction. But that's the point isn't it? Sometimes television is SO GOOD that you get invested.

Friends is hands-down one of the most successful sitcoms in the history of television. Hell, each of the six main cast members were bringing in ONE MILLION DOLLARS PER EPSIODE in the final season. If you do a little math: 18 episodes x 6 million dollars = 108 million dollars paid in the final season for the principal cast ALONE--- and remember, this money is for 22 minutes of screen time.

Money aside, clearly both the network (NBC) and the viewers thought this was quality--- dare I say it?--- GREAT television. Nowadays, sitcoms seem few and far between, at least the good ones. The 80's, 90's and early 2000's were chock full.* There was:

Mad About You, Boy Meets World, 3rd Rock from the Sun, 8 Simple Rules, Cheers, Dougie Houser, Full House, Fresh Prince, The Parkers, The Steve Harvey Show, Golden Girls, Hanging with Mr. Cooper, Just Shoot Me, Better Off Ted, Living Single, Married With Children, The Nanny, Reba, Martin, My Name is Earl, Home Improvement, Becker, Girlfriends, Everybody Hates Chris, Dharma & Greg, The Cosby Show, A Different World, Scrubs, Sister Sister, Will & Grace, What I Like About You, Veronica's Closet, Frasier, etc.

... just to name a few. And all these shows ran for at least three seasons, something many shows these days are finding hard to do.

So what is it? Is the sitcom dying? I think not. There are some good sitcoms on TV, especially with the influx of new blood in the Fall 2011 season.

So here it is: the good, the bad, the ugly, and the GREAT.**

The GOOD

Raising Hope. I must admit, when I saw the write-up for this last year, I was not impressed. Considering the premise was that a serial killer got knocked up by an average 25 year-old Joe, who, when she was executed, had to take care of the baby, I did not see how the show could last. There are only so many episodes in that storyline. But all it took was one episode and I was hooked. And considering it's in it's second season, I guess a lot of other people were too.

Honorable Mentions: Whitney, The Big Bang Theory, New Girl

The BAD

Two and a Half Men. I never really watched it regularly before the Charlie Sheen fiasco, but I thought I'd give Ashton Kutcher a try. And while I admire the almost seamless replacement of the lead character, it's still not that funny. Perhaps it's like Seinfield and I just don't get it. And I guess sometimes, there's a joke in there that makes me say, "Ha. That was funny."*** But honestly, I just usually end up turning the channel.

Seriously sad: How To Be A Gentleman

THE UGLY

House of Payne. Though it does seem to be getting better, no one wants to watch someone make a complete ass of themselves EVERY EPISODE.**** It physically hurts. And immediately the viewer has to change the channel to something even SLIGHTLY less idiotic for fear of getting stupider.*****

Disgust: Meet the Browns (Really, Tyler Perry needs to do better.)

THE GREAT

If someone asked me, right now, what my favorite comedy on television was I'd have to say,

How I Met Your Mother

Why, you ask? Because not only is it GREAT television, (both the writing and the acting are superb!), but the lives of the characters are so outrageous, they are actually kind of relatable. And Neil Patrick Harris is so awesome in his role as Barney, sometimes I forget he's not actually his character. Plus, the writers weave in long-lasting storylines that sometime come up seasons later. LOVE IT!



Honorable Mentions: 2 Broke Girls, Happy Endings (it's the dialogue!), Cougar Town

Now, the two glaring omissions are Modern Family and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia which apparently go into the GREAT category, but there isn't enough time in the day to watch the many, many seasons I'm behind. So I'll take the word of their many fans :)


Opinions? Agree or Disagree? Sound off in the comment section. 2000 points for anyone who responds with a TV show they'd like me to rate or a question to answer :)

TTFN!

-----------
* The late 90's, early 2000's were, in my opinion, the golden era for black sitcoms. We should simultaneously thank and kick the WB and the CW for this era and it's downfall. Way to sell out guys!)

** This list does not include: Premium channel sitcoms (which are more 'dramedy' anyway) or animated shows, like Futurama, Drawn Together or Allen Gregory which are all awesome, by the way.

*** If something's sort of funny, I usually just state it. If I actually laugh out loud, then it's either really corny, or extremely hilarious. Those around me can usually tell the difference.

**** Embarass him/herself? YES. We eat that -ish up and think 'oh, I'm so glad that would never happen to me.' But act like a buffoon? NO. When it becomes so dumb that it's painful to watch, I wanna throw up a little in my mouth.

***** Yes, I know "stupider" is not a real word.

HotnessinCelebrityForm: Summer Edition #1

Yeah, it's late. I know that summer's over. But now, once I show you all the wonderfulnessinmaleform that appeared on television this summer, you can go back and watch the episodes at your leisure without trying to catch-up and perhaps skip out on other activities to catch another glimpse at Ben Bass or Lyriq Bent.

And there were SO MANY hotties on TV this summer that we must do it by show in order to keep it straight. So here goes:

The Secret Life of the American Teenager

Yes, I watch this show. No, I am not a teenager. Yes, it is a guilty pleasure. No, I do not care if you judge me. Well, maybe a little. But it's just so wickedly GOOD.


Daren Kagasoff - Two Words: UNDERWEAR MODEL. I would say "nuff said," but then I'd be leaving out his better-than-average acting skills and the fact that he's 24 years old and doesn't strike me as a complete idiot. There's very little tabloid drama surrounding him (just think, Lindsay Lohan's not even a year older) and when he does interviews he doesn't act like a complete a-hole. That's enough for me to think that maybe, just maybe he'll make it to his role model Emile Hirsch's level, or better yet, maybe even Joseph Gordon-Levitt's. (Also, how gangster is a show whose 4th season premier was one week after the season 3 finale? 25 episodes in a row without missing a single week. That's dedication my friends.)

Rookie Blue

I mentioned both of these names above, but Lyriq Bent and Ben Bass are two of the hottest men to ever star in the same show. Seriously, I have a hard time concentrating when they're on the screen at the same time. And if you add in Eric Johnson (yeah, it's Whitney from Smallville), you got a veritable trifecta of hotnessincelebrityform.



Leverage

It's time to come clean and admit my obsession with Christian Kane (our love affair has been building since Angel). While I wouldn't go so far as to say that he's the love of my life, I will say that his hair kind of makes me want to have his babies. Did I mention he plays guitar... in a band? And then there's Aldis Hodge. While not as buff as Morris, or as well known as Taye, his sweetness on screen, coupled with the fact the his character is a hacker-with-a-heart (read nerdy) is enough to make most women melt. Plus, it's the smile. If I saw him in person, our smiles just might match. Oh, and he's on a motorcycle.









Covert Affairs

I have show-stalked Christopher Gorham from Popular to Ugly Betty (Betty's love interest, Henry) and now to Covert Affairs and he has only gotten hotter with age. His main character type rarely changes-- he always plays the nerdy guy girls can't help but fall in love with-- but in Covert Affairs as Augie, he's the hott, ex-army ranger turned CIA tech man whose six-pack leaves one breathless. (Don't believe me? See for yourself.) And despite the fact that I'm constantly pissed off that he and Annie (the leading lady in CA) haven't just torn each other's clothes off already, the show's worth watching in spite of that. Plus he and his real-life family are so ridiculously CUTE!

And the reason he's last on this entry? Because when I say I like tallskinnydarkhairedwhiteguys, he's the archetype.


Till next time :)

Ha!

In Computer Heaven:

The management is from Intel,
The design and construction is done by Apple,
The marketing is done by Microsoft,
IBM provides the support,
Gateway determines the pricing.


In Computer Hell:

The management is from Apple,
Microsoft does design and construction,
IBM handles the marketing,
The support is from Gateway,
Intel sets the price.

Funny Jokes!

Letter Scramble

When you rearrange the letters:

DORMITORY: DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN: BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER: MOON STARER

THE EYES: THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH: HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE: HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES: CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY: IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT: I'M A DOT IN PLACE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO: TWELVE PLUS ONE

The Wall

In Jerusalem, a female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, and when he turned to leave, she approached him for an interview.

"I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between Christians, Jews and Muslims. I pray for all hatred to cease. And I pray for all our children to grow up in safety and friendship."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a freaking wall."

Why did the chicken cross the road?

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

PLATO: For the greater good of man.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

CHARLES DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road... it transcended it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

BILL CLINTON: I did not, and I repeat, did not have sexual relations with that chicken.

DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

On my way to bed but had to post this! (Inside-joke alert!)

Saw this on a comment board about nerdy, hott actors:

Nathan Fillion is like maple syrup: excellent with pancakes.

SUCH AN AWESOME QUOTE!

And guess who posted it?
Somebody named JOY.

Am I missing something here, Ary?
J/K!

Toodles!

Hilarity Ensues (Funny Jokes)

Latest Installment of somejokesIfoundratherfunny:

Daniel Tosh: Saw Myself Naked

Saw myself naked in front of a mirror a couple days ago -- that's not the joke, that's what we called the setup. I saw myself naked, and I said, 'Holy cow, I'm 'The White Man.' I've heard a lot of bad things about you, cracka.'

Bob Marley: Nacho Type

The minute they put the nachos on the table, everybody becomes an enemy because there's all different kinds of nachos. Do you ever see those naked ones around the perimeter? Then, there's that one big Powerball nacho that somehow is connected to all the other nachos on the plate -- it's like the Kevin Bacon of nachos.

Jamie Lissow: Unrealistic Goals

I think people need to think more before they speak. The other day I was walking along the street, and this gorgeous girl rides by on a bicycle. And the guy in the group ahead of me says, 'Man, look at her. Wish I could be that bicycle seat.' I'm like, what? Don't you think that's a little bit of an unrealistic goal? Besides, if you're going for it, why don't you just aim to be the guy that's sleeping with her? Maybe something that doesn't require sorcery.

Greg Warren: Cheating at Chess

Everything in my parents house is broken. We play chess, and there are six pieces missing from our chess set. So, we replace them with pieces from my mom's nativity scene. We're playing chess with the Virgin Mary and goats and wise men, and my Uncle Earl cheats. It's like: 'Uncle Earl, that's a pawn. You're not supposed to move him backwards.' 'That's the son of God, boy! You move him wherever the hell he wants to go.'

Tom McCaffrey: In Every Single Cop Movie

You ever notice, in every single cop movie, like halfway through the movie, there's always this scene where the main dude, the cop, will get shot, and then he'll fall, like, 10 stories out of a building, and then he'll be, like, 'Ugh, I'm gettin' too old for this'? And I'm like, was there a time where that was OK? I think that's bad at any point in your life. Has anybody ever been shot and been like, 'Oh my god! I'm exactly the right age for this.'

Daniel Tosh: Only One Tattoo

I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb.' That's it. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this?,' you can be like, 'Oh, I'm dumb!'

Wanda Sykes: Don't You Regret Not Having Kids?

People say, 'Well don't you regret not having kids?' And I go, 'No, not really.' And then if they keep asking, I always say this, 'Well, you know, maybe I'll adopt.' But I don't mean that. It's just something I say to make me sound like a nicer person.

Jacob Sirof: New Year's Baby

We had our first two years ago -- on New Year's Eve. That's a rockin' birthday. Kind of f**ks any New Year's plans I might have had for the rest of my life, but whatever, kids can be selfish.

Pete Holmes: Privacy Is Uncool

I think the government made Facebook in an attempt to make privacy uncool. Think about that. I think that's true 'cause they don't have to tap our phones or survey us when we just yield to them everything, just on our own free will. Home address? It's a little weird, OK. Phone number? Call me. Photos? Photos of everyone I know? Here, let me tag those for you.

Brian Regan: New Baby Greeting Cards

They have a section called, 'New Baby.' I don't think you need the word 'new.' They'd have to clear up confusion. 'Do you have an Old Baby section? 'Cause my friend's had a baby, and I let time get away from me, and he's 12.'

So (Again) It's Been Awhile... (Funny Jokes)

In addition to my desire/kick to become more productive, I'm hoping to change the regularity with which I update my blog, starting right now. This one will be a short; I'm just reposting some Comedy Central Joke of the Day's, I found rather funny. But I will tell you what you can expect from me in the next couple of days:

--- Goals/Plans for this year, including FUN trips (Trying really hard to make the FUN Trips part come true, lol) --- San Diego ComicCon, anyone?

--- Cool Things I've Seen Online (I have a ridiculous amount of free time right now): Deco Umbrella, Ridiculously Expensive but Beautiful Hotels

--- People: Did you know who California's Attorney General is? This SUPER COOL lady named...

--- Reviews of Recent Books I've Red and/or Movies I've Seen: The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner, Death at a Funeral, The Hunter, The Chase, the Kill (A Trilogy), etc.

--- Stuff I've wanted to blog about for a while and just haven't yet: Love, Religion, Race, Life and Apple Pie

And of Course,

--- Guys. As there isn't anyone special in my life at the moment, I usually just stick to celebrities and such. This year's newbie: Bradley James. 100 points to the person who knows/finds out who this is. Interesting to note: He's my second blond celebrity crush :)

That's all for tonight folks! Enjoy the jokes!

* J/K: Last note: I'm also trying to make this blog a little more interactive. So COMMENT. Even if it's something little, or critical. I want your opinions since you take the time to read mine.

LOVE IT! Okay, now on to the jokes!

________________________________________________

Chris Rock: Natural Causes

When you die at 72, no matter what you die of, it's natural causes. Even if you get hit by a truck, its natural causes. Cuz’ if you was younger, you'd got out of the way.

Royale Watkins: My Wife's Age

My wife had this whole gay military policy with her age: if I didn't ask, she wouldn't tell. And when I did ask, she would get offended. I'd be like, 'Let me ask you something -- how old are you?' 'Excuse me? Listen, let me tell you something -- I'm a woman, and a real man would not ask a woman her age. It's not about how old I am. It's about how young I make you feel. Now go in there and brush your teeth and put on your pajamas, get ready for bed.'

Godfrey: Regular Black

My black friends in America don't believe me. I said, 'Dude, I'm Nigerian American.' 'Word? We thought you were, like, regular black.' What the hell is 'regular black'? Crayola coming out with colors I don't know about?

Greer Barnes: Chasing a White Guy

I was in the park last night, chasing this white guy. He got away from me. I didn't know cops could walk that fast with all that stuff on.

Alex Thomas: Ask a Stupid Question

My mother always told me, 'Boy, if somebody asks you a stupid question, you give them a stupid answer.' The cops walked up to my car, 'Would you like to step out of the car?' I said, 'Hell no, it's hot! I got the air conditioner on. How about you hop your ass in here with me?'

Arj Barker: Walking Shoes

Can you imagine if you had a pair of shoes that you could only walk in? That could be kind of limiting under certain circumstances. 'Everybody get outta here! There's a swarm of bees coming!' What? Oh great, I got my walking shoes on today. I guess I better stroll the hell out of here at a moderate pace.

Wayne Federman: Discriminating Carpool Lane

The carpool lane discriminates against the lonely. These peoples -- through no fault of their own -- don't have the social skills to make friends. OK, that's unfortunate, but what do we do as a society? We push them off to the right in this vehicular apartheid, while they sit isolated in their loser mobiles, forced to watch the popular people whiz by them.

Jessi Klein: You Look A Lot Like...

This co-worker of mine, who I don't know well at all, comes up to me and goes, 'Hey Jessi, I don't know if anyone's ever told you this before, but you look a lot like Anne Frank.' I didn't really know where to put that as a remark. But the worst thing is that my first thought was, 'Was Anne Frank hot?'

Brian Regan: Microwaving Pop Tarts

You can microwave a Pop Tart. That just blew me away that you could do that. How long does it take to toast a Pop Tart? A minute and a half if you want it dark? People don't have that kind of time? Listen, if you need to zap-fry your Pop Tarts before you head out the door, you might want to loosen up your schedule.

Jordan Rubin: Walk the Line

I got pulled over for drunk driving the other day. The cops had me walk that line. I said the one thing you shouldn't say. I was like, 'Stop wiggling it.' 'Cause that gives you away.

Some Jokes I Found Rather Funny

In no particular order of potential amusement:

Kathleen Madigan: Figure Skating

I always wanted to be a figure skater as a kid, too, that was like my fantasy dream. But whenever I watch it, I think I would have totally done it alone. I don't know how these people have enough control over the tempers to be working with a partner. Because if I worked with some guy for 15 years, and we got to the Olympics, and out of nowhere he just fell -- oh, I'd skate around just to chop off his fingers. I would, and I would not feel bad about that -- ever. 'Now when you're nubbing your cereal spoon in the morning, you can look at that box and remember why we're not on it.'

Mike Britt: Too Much of Our Business

We tell too much of our business. I don't understand war. Why we tell everything we're about to do? We're running around, trying to find out military intelligence on them. They don't need that -- all they do is watch the news, they see everything they need to see. They plan their strategy with the TV on and their maps out.

Rory Albanese: Least Respected Place

I'm from Long Island, which is the least respected place in the world. I travel all over the country. I could be in the middle of Omaha doing something and the guy comes up to me and says, 'Hey, where'd you grow up?' I'm like, 'Long Island.' And he's like, 'Loser.' Really? I grew up 22 miles from Manhattan; you lost your virginity to corn. I feel like I win that round. I'm like, 'I've seen the ocean. Game over.'

Whitney Cummings: Silent Treatment

Ladies, next time your man pisses you off, do not give him the silent treatment. Instead, go Google the most important game of the season, sit next to him during that game and just ask as many f**king questions as possible. 'I don't understand. Who's that guy in the striped shirt? Does he work at Foot Locker? I don't understand, why are they all wearing the same outfit? When are we going to have a baby?' Eventually he will shoot himself in the face, and you f**king win that argument.

Felipe Esparza: Dad's Furniture Fix

I love my dad. He used to walk around the whole neighborhood and collect old furniture and fix it, like MacGyver with duct tape. One time, he brought a television home. I said, 'Damn, that TV has 500 channels.' When I got older, it didn't have 500 channels -- it was a knob from the oven. My favorite channel was 300 degrees.

Demetri Martin: Pillow Fights

Man versus woman equals fun. Man versus man equals gay. Woman versus woman equals awesome. Man versus pillow equals crazy. Pillow versus pillow equals crazy awesome -- that's a real pillow fight right there. You see two pillows fighting, you know something's going down. They're designed for relaxation. If they're fighting, what hope do we have? One time I saw two geese fighting, and I was like, 'This is a pillow fight ahead of time.'

Dave Nystrom: Drunk in the Middle of the Day

Have you ever been drunk in the middle of the day? And I don't mean a couple of cocktails with lunch -- I mean like severely messed up. It's weird because you can't even properly relate to people anymore. I was like, 'What do you mean I can't get an Egg McMuffin? What -- because it's after 11? That's ridiculous.' He's like, 'No, sir, because this is a bank.'

Jeffrey Ross: Stay Free

My favorite band in high school was The Clash. Remember The Clash? They had this one song early on that my boys and I used to use as our little greeting to each other. We thought we were cool. It was called, 'Stay Free.' We'd be like, 'Hey man, stay free.' Then one day, out of nowhere, it became a feminine hygiene product. We couldn't use it anymore. Then we were like, 'Hey man -- you know.'

Julian McCullough: Brain Can't Dream

Did you know that if you go to bed wasted, your brain can't dream? It's like a medical thing. I have my own theory and that's that your brain is like, 'Dude, I'm not going to entertain you after what you just did to me for the last six hours. Oh, you want feel what it's like to fly? Go f**k yourself. I'll be up all night with your liver, figuring out how we're going to make it to 50.'