"Write 400 words (or less) on your ideal place [to live]."

So, a friend of mine prompted the readers of her blog to write about their ideal place to live after the subject came up in her life--twice in one week. So here goes. It's probably very different than what she intended, but one must go where the words takes them.

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There are no sad and quiet people here.

The air is clear and clean, the water calm and warm. The temperature always matches the light of the sun. Trees find themselves green without trying. Flowers bloom without challenge; bees don't sting.

Seasons are so crisp here. The changing of the colors is a vibrant affair. The snow melts on the tongues of children and falls in flakes the size of closed eyelids. Summer comes often. Heat and breeze are in consummate harmony. Spring brings back birds of every color that algor took away.

It's soft. Light is temperate. All noise, dulcet. Movement, unpretentious and rhythmical. No sense is ever harmed, no practice overwhelms. But the people are loud and happy, full of life and purpose.

Night is conclusive to day. Darkness holds no sinister plans; no egregious dealings go on in dusk. Darkness is not the absence of light, but the rest of it. The balance of dark and light for rests’ sake.

No true measure of time exists here, only the sensation of moments both here and then, now and always. This does not bother the loud and happy people. They rejoice. For they knew it once when it was different, when it was worse and they were sad and quiet.

And there are no sad and quiet people here.

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1000 points if you let me know what you think.

Hilarity Ensues (Funny Jokes)

Latest Installment of somejokesIfoundratherfunny:

Daniel Tosh: Saw Myself Naked

Saw myself naked in front of a mirror a couple days ago -- that's not the joke, that's what we called the setup. I saw myself naked, and I said, 'Holy cow, I'm 'The White Man.' I've heard a lot of bad things about you, cracka.'

Bob Marley: Nacho Type

The minute they put the nachos on the table, everybody becomes an enemy because there's all different kinds of nachos. Do you ever see those naked ones around the perimeter? Then, there's that one big Powerball nacho that somehow is connected to all the other nachos on the plate -- it's like the Kevin Bacon of nachos.

Jamie Lissow: Unrealistic Goals

I think people need to think more before they speak. The other day I was walking along the street, and this gorgeous girl rides by on a bicycle. And the guy in the group ahead of me says, 'Man, look at her. Wish I could be that bicycle seat.' I'm like, what? Don't you think that's a little bit of an unrealistic goal? Besides, if you're going for it, why don't you just aim to be the guy that's sleeping with her? Maybe something that doesn't require sorcery.

Greg Warren: Cheating at Chess

Everything in my parents house is broken. We play chess, and there are six pieces missing from our chess set. So, we replace them with pieces from my mom's nativity scene. We're playing chess with the Virgin Mary and goats and wise men, and my Uncle Earl cheats. It's like: 'Uncle Earl, that's a pawn. You're not supposed to move him backwards.' 'That's the son of God, boy! You move him wherever the hell he wants to go.'

Tom McCaffrey: In Every Single Cop Movie

You ever notice, in every single cop movie, like halfway through the movie, there's always this scene where the main dude, the cop, will get shot, and then he'll fall, like, 10 stories out of a building, and then he'll be, like, 'Ugh, I'm gettin' too old for this'? And I'm like, was there a time where that was OK? I think that's bad at any point in your life. Has anybody ever been shot and been like, 'Oh my god! I'm exactly the right age for this.'

Daniel Tosh: Only One Tattoo

I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb.' That's it. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this?,' you can be like, 'Oh, I'm dumb!'

Wanda Sykes: Don't You Regret Not Having Kids?

People say, 'Well don't you regret not having kids?' And I go, 'No, not really.' And then if they keep asking, I always say this, 'Well, you know, maybe I'll adopt.' But I don't mean that. It's just something I say to make me sound like a nicer person.

Jacob Sirof: New Year's Baby

We had our first two years ago -- on New Year's Eve. That's a rockin' birthday. Kind of f**ks any New Year's plans I might have had for the rest of my life, but whatever, kids can be selfish.

Pete Holmes: Privacy Is Uncool

I think the government made Facebook in an attempt to make privacy uncool. Think about that. I think that's true 'cause they don't have to tap our phones or survey us when we just yield to them everything, just on our own free will. Home address? It's a little weird, OK. Phone number? Call me. Photos? Photos of everyone I know? Here, let me tag those for you.

Brian Regan: New Baby Greeting Cards

They have a section called, 'New Baby.' I don't think you need the word 'new.' They'd have to clear up confusion. 'Do you have an Old Baby section? 'Cause my friend's had a baby, and I let time get away from me, and he's 12.'

"things that make me squeal in delight and collapse into a fit of giggles"

Lately I've been reading this blog that is so funny, I actually laugh out loud, like for reals. BUT I can't share it with you just yet. I gotta keep it secret a while longer until I can catch up with the 4, 837 entries she's written already. I'm only 1/3 of the way through 2010.

Anyway, she inspired me to come up with my own list of things that makemehappie, like the kind of happy where I laugh, clap my hands and fall over. Hotchkiss people know what that looks like, lol.

brunch, horseback riding, baby animals - especially baby kittens :( I miss Buttons, funny blogs, Jimmy Choo shoes, small children (when they behave), a good book, TELEVISION, hotnessincelebrityform, crisp hotel sheets, comedy central joke of the day's, black stiletto boots, random information, warm apple pie with crumb topping (also known as streusel), reading, my grandmother's baked macaroni and cheese, that main street chocolate shop's raspberry animals, pretending to be sex-and-the-city cool with my girls, dressing up for fancy events, crushing on guys, guys' arm muscles (it's insane how much I love them, really), making fun of books I love (like Twilight), anything related to or can even be remotely labeled as science fiction, talking about religion (except Scientology), finding recipes online, baking, researching/dreaming about the things I could do if I won the lottery, going out to eat, looking up random words on dictionary.com (it used to use oed.com, but I no longer get it for free from NU… sad.), poetry, writing silly things that no one will ever read, making lists, guys who are talldarkhairedandskinny, keeping track of books I'll probably never read, when someone asks me "who was that guy in that one movie?", knowing the answer, wikipedia, corny television shows like Tower Prep (speaking of which, Drew Van Acker… pretty cute. He's my third blonde celebrity crush. Is it no longer the exception?), talking about legal things, laying down in my bed, random dance parties, girls' night-in, Poggio del Moscato wine, whiskey sours, grapes, red dirt (found in AL, GA, etc.), when little girls wear pigtails (so adorable), computer games (from Freecell to Age of Empires), theatre, inside jokes, having money in the bank, castles, rereading stuff I wrote when I was younger (it's hilarious how little I knew then, though I thought I knew a lot), Wal-Mart and Target (I refuse to choose between the two. They're both good for different things), strawberry ice cream, black knee-length socks, sleeping

Speaking of which… I think I might do that now.

Oh, and just for fun:

Okay, now I'm done.

So I was serious about that updating thing/Merlin - Colin Morgan

I haven't forgotten about ya'll! (Ya'll being like the three people who read this blog or maybe just the two who actually care about what I have to say, lol.) I told you I was really trying to do something different this year and actually, you know, blog.

First things first. TWO MILLION POINTS to Aryelle who actually cared/knew me well enough to try to figure out that ridiculously AWESOME poem I made up (on the fly, might I add) in the last post's comment section. She almost got it right too.

So without further ado, I introduce the topic of COLIN MORGAN aka my new favorite celebrity crush and one of the reasons ComicCon is going to be like, the highlight of my life this year.


But first I must admit to you guys just HOW MUCH of a nerd I really am by explaining to you just HOW MUCH I freaking l-o-v-e anything about Athurian Legends/the Middle Ages. So much so that people used to ask me what that random poster I had up in my room was all about. You know the one with the guy in full armor (I'm talking CHAIN MAIL, baby) on horseback holding a jousting stick, a sword and a mace while trying to simultaneously help a lady onto the back of his horse? Yeah, THAT one.

Seriously, if it weren't for the TRUTH of that period (you know that being a black person sucked at that time and I would have never had the chance to be a lady of nobility, let alone QUEEN), I probably would have already tried to build a freaking boat/time machine to hightail it back to Albion and claim my rightful role as Guinevere. For reals.

But alas, I am not the least bit scientifically inclined and I do read enough non-fiction about the time period to realize that I live in LALALALA land.

And so I watch Merlin. A British television show (it airs on BBC One, snitches!) about the once and future king and his trusty sidekick/wizard Merlin.


I get chills just thinking about it. (Yeah, I know I'm lame. Deal with it.) Unfortunately, it airs in Britain like a whole season earlier than it does here. And you know I can NOT wait that long. So I watch it online. ILLEGALLY. Muhahaha! But then I get all sad that I have to wait a whole YEAR for that ish to come out again. So I end up watching it AGAIN. I do wait a couple of months in between though. (Translation: I wait as long as I can before the tremors and seizures get to be too much.)

(I must at this point give a shout out to/blame my dependency on my friend Katharine who got me hooked on it when she stayed with me for a couple of days after spending a year in Spain. That first night I think we watched like 4 episodes. Ridiculousness. OMG. And her Facebook profile pic is with the TARDIS for cornflakes sake! Thisiswhywe'renerds. )

Anyway, this brings me to the currentloveofmylife, Colin Morgan, on whose shoulders this entire series rests upon since he plays the title character. Bradley James is the blond haired guy in the photo next to him who plays Prince Arthur. (And as much as I like guys who are talldarkhairedandskinny, Bradley James is quite attractive too.)


But, back to CM. Did you know this dude is IRISH? Not like, his family is from Ireland but they live in the UK Irish, but like IRISH from IRELAND, like his family still lives there and they have neighbors and go to the grocery store and go ice-skating in IRELAND Irish. He learned a Welsh accent for this role. (His real accent is way sexier.)

And unless you don't know me at all, you know that I could (if it were possible) literally have Ireland's babies. The first time I ever tried out for a high school play was for "Playboy of the Western World" (no, it's not a dirty play) and I got to put my GANGSTER Irish accent to use. ONLY black girl in the whole play, but I was SICK as Sara Tansey, leader of the meddling group of girls. Me and Ireland's babies would be be-yoo-tiful and you know it.

So I'll leave you with a clip from the show (Season 1) and you guys can tell me that you love it or remind me how much of a nerd I am.
kthanxbai



Don't worry, Arthur doesn't stay that obnoxious :)
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Oh and aren't I a big DUNCE for failing to mention TWO OTHER REASONS why I love this show?

1) Anthony Head (aka Giles from Buffy) is King Uther, Prince Arthur's father (duh)

2) GUINEVERE is BLACK (or Hispanic or both), snitches! It's like watching all my dreams come true. LOVE IT!


I can not freaking WAIT until ComicCon! Maybe they'll bring some of the knights as well... they're kinda HOTT too.

(You know you wanna Google image search "BBC Merlin Lancelot." Just do it. LOL.)

Actually don't. Because unfortunately this is NOT the first picture you see.



Ok, that really was it. This post is now done.

My Golden Birthday & ComicCon 2011! (see comment section too!)

I'm not sure how many of you keep up with my birthday, but August 23, 2011 is the date I've been waiting a long time for. MY GOLDEN BIRTHDAY! I am so excited! I've been trying to figure out what I want to do that week and I have finally decided. If all goes well, I'm going to Las Vegas!

If you would like to go with me (and you do, you really do) let me know. The goal is for at least three people to come with moi and have a blast August 22 - August 25.

Here's the breakdown (per person, except for hotel - based on 4 people):

Plane: $380 - From Chicago O' Hare (ORD)
Hotel: Anywhere from $700 - $1500 - This estimate covers all the extra fees, taxes and such. I know this is a lot of money, but I wanna celebrate my birthday in style! The goal is for me to pay at least half the hotel cost myself as an incentive for people to join me, and more obviously, if I go with the more expensive option.
Food/Entertainment/Incidentals: $200 - $500 - This larger end of the estimate includes every expense you could possibly imagine, from transportation to and from the airport, food in the airport (and during the trip!) to souvenirs to a $100 show--- Cirque du Soleil, anyone? Again, I know this seems steep, but these estimates are for the MAX amount you would spend, NOT the lowest or even the average. Please keep that in mind when deciding!

TOTAL COST PER PERSON: $ 800 - $1000 or $200 - $250/day

So while the goal isn't to spend as little as possible, I will promise to find a less expensive option for everything we do. And remember, if the trip costs $800 in the end, HALF of that is getting there and getting back, so I think we're doing good. Also, if we book the flight and hotel together, that also reduces the cost!

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Now, onto ComicCon 2011!

Happening in San Diego California, JULY 21-24! (Travel Dates: July 20-25)

Guys this is all I can think about right now. Seriously. I think I might becoming addicted to planning this trip in my head. Definitely expect more posts on this here topic :)

I'm an über nerd so, essentially going to this convention would be like giving giving a seventeen pound chocolate bar to a chocoholic. Or if you can think about it this way: It's like finally taking me to Disney Land (Which incidentally is also only an hour and a half from San Diego, if we wanted to go there too!).

So here's the plan (per person, even the hotel - based on four people):

ComicCon: $105
Plane: $430 - From Chicago O' Hare (ORD)
Hotel: $ 150 - It's not like my birthday, lol. I just need a place to sleep! ALSO, I found MUCH CHEAPER hotels a little further out than downtown. Even with taxi fare, this will probably significantly reduce the total cost. It's the difference of $270 and $130 per night!
Food/Entertainment/Incidentals: $200- $300 Again, this larger end of the estimate includes every expense you could possibly imagine, from transportation to and from the airport, food in the airport (and during the trip!) to souvenirs. These estimates are for the MAX amount you would spend, NOT the lowest or even the average. Please keep that in mind when deciding!

TOTAL COST PER PERSON: $ 885 - $1100 or $221 - $275/day

__________________________________________

I'm only slightly amused that the trip to Vegas turned out to be cheaper.

NOW, if push comes to shove (read, if my ambition is greater than my wallet!), I'll have to decide between ComicCon and Vegas. This might be a real possibility since my mother and I also want to go on a cruise the week before ComicCon (LOL), and my 5th year Hotchkiss Reunion is in June. Basically, I have to be BALLIN' for all this to work out.

SO, if you're a praying person, PRAY that I get a great job to cover all the expenses... so much so that I can even help pay for some of the stuff for the people going with me :)

__________________________________________

Lastly, I will leave you with just a few things I want to see/do in each place!

Las Vegas

FOOD! - Wolfgang Puck's Trattoria del Lupo, Sushi/Seafood Buffet




Nightlife - Drinks and Dancing, Cirque du Soleil!

ComicCon

TV: Eureka, Merlin, Haven... pretty much any TV show on SyFy, Dexter
Books: Oh, too many to name... L.J. Smith, anyone?


Movies: Iron Man, The Avengers, Twilight, The Green Lantern, (Isn't Ryan so hott?!)












Fellow Nerds and Cute Celebrities :)



Nuff Said!

So (Again) It's Been Awhile... (Funny Jokes)

In addition to my desire/kick to become more productive, I'm hoping to change the regularity with which I update my blog, starting right now. This one will be a short; I'm just reposting some Comedy Central Joke of the Day's, I found rather funny. But I will tell you what you can expect from me in the next couple of days:

--- Goals/Plans for this year, including FUN trips (Trying really hard to make the FUN Trips part come true, lol) --- San Diego ComicCon, anyone?

--- Cool Things I've Seen Online (I have a ridiculous amount of free time right now): Deco Umbrella, Ridiculously Expensive but Beautiful Hotels

--- People: Did you know who California's Attorney General is? This SUPER COOL lady named...

--- Reviews of Recent Books I've Red and/or Movies I've Seen: The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner, Death at a Funeral, The Hunter, The Chase, the Kill (A Trilogy), etc.

--- Stuff I've wanted to blog about for a while and just haven't yet: Love, Religion, Race, Life and Apple Pie

And of Course,

--- Guys. As there isn't anyone special in my life at the moment, I usually just stick to celebrities and such. This year's newbie: Bradley James. 100 points to the person who knows/finds out who this is. Interesting to note: He's my second blond celebrity crush :)

That's all for tonight folks! Enjoy the jokes!

* J/K: Last note: I'm also trying to make this blog a little more interactive. So COMMENT. Even if it's something little, or critical. I want your opinions since you take the time to read mine.

LOVE IT! Okay, now on to the jokes!

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Chris Rock: Natural Causes

When you die at 72, no matter what you die of, it's natural causes. Even if you get hit by a truck, its natural causes. Cuz’ if you was younger, you'd got out of the way.

Royale Watkins: My Wife's Age

My wife had this whole gay military policy with her age: if I didn't ask, she wouldn't tell. And when I did ask, she would get offended. I'd be like, 'Let me ask you something -- how old are you?' 'Excuse me? Listen, let me tell you something -- I'm a woman, and a real man would not ask a woman her age. It's not about how old I am. It's about how young I make you feel. Now go in there and brush your teeth and put on your pajamas, get ready for bed.'

Godfrey: Regular Black

My black friends in America don't believe me. I said, 'Dude, I'm Nigerian American.' 'Word? We thought you were, like, regular black.' What the hell is 'regular black'? Crayola coming out with colors I don't know about?

Greer Barnes: Chasing a White Guy

I was in the park last night, chasing this white guy. He got away from me. I didn't know cops could walk that fast with all that stuff on.

Alex Thomas: Ask a Stupid Question

My mother always told me, 'Boy, if somebody asks you a stupid question, you give them a stupid answer.' The cops walked up to my car, 'Would you like to step out of the car?' I said, 'Hell no, it's hot! I got the air conditioner on. How about you hop your ass in here with me?'

Arj Barker: Walking Shoes

Can you imagine if you had a pair of shoes that you could only walk in? That could be kind of limiting under certain circumstances. 'Everybody get outta here! There's a swarm of bees coming!' What? Oh great, I got my walking shoes on today. I guess I better stroll the hell out of here at a moderate pace.

Wayne Federman: Discriminating Carpool Lane

The carpool lane discriminates against the lonely. These peoples -- through no fault of their own -- don't have the social skills to make friends. OK, that's unfortunate, but what do we do as a society? We push them off to the right in this vehicular apartheid, while they sit isolated in their loser mobiles, forced to watch the popular people whiz by them.

Jessi Klein: You Look A Lot Like...

This co-worker of mine, who I don't know well at all, comes up to me and goes, 'Hey Jessi, I don't know if anyone's ever told you this before, but you look a lot like Anne Frank.' I didn't really know where to put that as a remark. But the worst thing is that my first thought was, 'Was Anne Frank hot?'

Brian Regan: Microwaving Pop Tarts

You can microwave a Pop Tart. That just blew me away that you could do that. How long does it take to toast a Pop Tart? A minute and a half if you want it dark? People don't have that kind of time? Listen, if you need to zap-fry your Pop Tarts before you head out the door, you might want to loosen up your schedule.

Jordan Rubin: Walk the Line

I got pulled over for drunk driving the other day. The cops had me walk that line. I said the one thing you shouldn't say. I was like, 'Stop wiggling it.' 'Cause that gives you away.