--- Goals/Plans for this year, including FUN trips (Trying really hard to make the FUN Trips part come true, lol) --- San Diego ComicCon, anyone?
--- Cool Things I've Seen Online (I have a ridiculous amount of free time right now): Deco Umbrella, Ridiculously Expensive but Beautiful Hotels
--- People: Did you know who California's Attorney General is? This SUPER COOL lady named...
--- Reviews of Recent Books I've Red and/or Movies I've Seen: The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner, Death at a Funeral, The Hunter, The Chase, the Kill (A Trilogy), etc.
--- Stuff I've wanted to blog about for a while and just haven't yet: Love, Religion, Race, Life and Apple Pie
And of Course,
--- Guys. As there isn't anyone special in my life at the moment, I usually just stick to celebrities and such. This year's newbie: Bradley James. 100 points to the person who knows/finds out who this is. Interesting to note: He's my second blond celebrity crush :)
That's all for tonight folks! Enjoy the jokes!
* J/K: Last note: I'm also trying to make this blog a little more interactive. So COMMENT. Even if it's something little, or critical. I want your opinions since you take the time to read mine.
LOVE IT! Okay, now on to the jokes!
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Chris Rock: Natural Causes
When you die at 72, no matter what you die of, it's natural causes. Even if you get hit by a truck, its natural causes. Cuz’ if you was younger, you'd got out of the way.
Royale Watkins: My Wife's Age
My wife had this whole gay military policy with her age: if I didn't ask, she wouldn't tell. And when I did ask, she would get offended. I'd be like, 'Let me ask you something -- how old are you?' 'Excuse me? Listen, let me tell you something -- I'm a woman, and a real man would not ask a woman her age. It's not about how old I am. It's about how young I make you feel. Now go in there and brush your teeth and put on your pajamas, get ready for bed.'
Godfrey: Regular Black
My black friends in America don't believe me. I said, 'Dude, I'm Nigerian American.' 'Word? We thought you were, like, regular black.' What the hell is 'regular black'? Crayola coming out with colors I don't know about?
Greer Barnes: Chasing a White Guy
I was in the park last night, chasing this white guy. He got away from me. I didn't know cops could walk that fast with all that stuff on.
Alex Thomas: Ask a Stupid Question
My mother always told me, 'Boy, if somebody asks you a stupid question, you give them a stupid answer.' The cops walked up to my car, 'Would you like to step out of the car?' I said, 'Hell no, it's hot! I got the air conditioner on. How about you hop your ass in here with me?'
Arj Barker: Walking Shoes
Can you imagine if you had a pair of shoes that you could only walk in? That could be kind of limiting under certain circumstances. 'Everybody get outta here! There's a swarm of bees coming!' What? Oh great, I got my walking shoes on today. I guess I better stroll the hell out of here at a moderate pace.
Wayne Federman: Discriminating Carpool Lane
The carpool lane discriminates against the lonely. These peoples -- through no fault of their own -- don't have the social skills to make friends. OK, that's unfortunate, but what do we do as a society? We push them off to the right in this vehicular apartheid, while they sit isolated in their loser mobiles, forced to watch the popular people whiz by them.
Jessi Klein: You Look A Lot Like...
This co-worker of mine, who I don't know well at all, comes up to me and goes, 'Hey Jessi, I don't know if anyone's ever told you this before, but you look a lot like Anne Frank.' I didn't really know where to put that as a remark. But the worst thing is that my first thought was, 'Was Anne Frank hot?'
Brian Regan: Microwaving Pop Tarts
You can microwave a Pop Tart. That just blew me away that you could do that. How long does it take to toast a Pop Tart? A minute and a half if you want it dark? People don't have that kind of time? Listen, if you need to zap-fry your Pop Tarts before you head out the door, you might want to loosen up your schedule.
Jordan Rubin: Walk the Line
I got pulled over for drunk driving the other day. The cops had me walk that line. I said the one thing you shouldn't say. I was like, 'Stop wiggling it.' 'Cause that gives you away.
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